Every day, new standards are set on the internet: You don’t go on a date in native attire. Don’t date if you don’t have money. How can you be this age and still living in your parents’ house? At this age, how can you be doing that job?
The pressure to conform to these standards often leads to feelings of inadequacy, but recently, a tweet highlighted how society’s expectations can discourage honest communication between friends. Most times, these standards are always financial-based.
A tweeter shared how they reached out to a friend for a hangout, but the friend declined, saying they couldn’t afford transport. The tweeter couldn’t believe that in the “year 2025,” a “fully grown human being” could express that they don’t have money for transport. Of course, as a culture on TwitterNG, commenters chimed in, some suggesting the friend could have lied or made up an excuse. The majority of them dismissed the fact that the friend never offered to hang out in the first place. They were offered.
Initially, I agreed with some of the comments, especially those that suggested appearing needy or broke too often isn’t appealing. I believe some things, especially when they involve personal challenges, are better kept private. If I were in that situation, and truly couldn’t afford to attend a hangout, I’d prefer to explain the situation honestly by saying “I no get money” without shame. But there’s a societal expectation to present yourself as self-sufficient, and revealing financial struggles can feel like an admission of failure. But I also see how consequential this could be when it has become a habit. Whenever there is another hangout, they might be compelled to not invite me because well, “E no go kuku get money.”
However, a response by ásà nwá opened my eyes to the subtle shaming present in that context. She wrote, “Do you people know how broke someone can be to the extent that they cannot afford data or even transport fare? Just because you can afford it doesn’t mean others can.” Her words shifted my perspective on the matter. The disbelief from the tweeter makes it seem it’s a crime to be broke. The reality is that not everyone is in the same financial position and the stigma attached to not having money is often so strong that people feel compelled to hide their struggles, even with close friends.
The societal expectations that push people to conceal their financial hardships are silently killing the ability to express vulnerability. Unconsciously, as we scroll and scroll, we are internalising these standards, creating an environment where people are afraid to be open about their situations, even with the people they trust. They fear being judged, which prevents the space to have real conversations about struggles, particularly when it comes to finances. A lack of financial resources can easily be dismissed as laziness or irresponsibility, but this view oversimplifies the complex realities many face. People are going through a lot, and the least they want to hear is to be constantly reminded that they are broke.
But while we must acknowledge the weight of these societal standards and the ways they can harm, I think we should recognise that one should remain stagnant in poverty, and the reality is that financial independence comes with a kind of flex. We cannot ignore the need to work hard to escape cycles of poverty. Hard work is the tool that can help break free from the constraints placed on us by external standards.
Yet, we need to let go of rigid expectations about success. It’s essential to create spaces where people can be open about their financial struggles without feeling shame. This involves fostering environments where honesty is met with empathy and understanding rather than judgment. When we focus solely on outward signs of success—such as material wealth, status, or appearance—we miss the chance to build genuine connections with others. This is particularly important among friends, who should support one another rather than uphold standards that make people feel trapped.
Societal standards—whether regarding how we should dress, where we should live, or what we should earn—are often silent killers, pushing people to hide their realities. At the same time, we must recognise that hard work, resilience, and the willingness to improve are crucial for anyone hoping to escape financial hardship.
