Pain is inevitable in life. Everybody is dealing with different kinds of pain; from losses in business to losing someone we love, even being heartbroken or betrayed by people we trust. Sometimes, it might be physical pain from an illness or accident. Whatever the kind of pain, one thing is sure: nobody wants to experience it. Pain is often overlooked when we think about growth and progress because no one wants to talk about it, let alone embrace it. But since we’ve all been through some kind of pain at some point, the real question is: how can we use that pain as leverage for growth and progress?
Pain is proof that something is wrong. It’s like a warning light in the vehicle of life telling us to stop and get it checked. At first, the problem might not be obvious, but ignoring it won’t solve anything. The first step to fixing it is reflection. Ray Dalio, one of the most successful investment minds, said it best: “Pain plus reflection equals progress.” But let’s be honest, reflection is not easy. It forces us to revisit what caused the pain, to unwrap it layer by layer. And as we all know, pain isn’t beautiful. It’s ugly, it’s tough, it hurts.
Because reflection is hard, most people prefer to jump to quick conclusions to protect themselves from the pain. If a business fails, they vow never to try that kind of business again. If it’s a bad breakup, they conclude that love is rubbish. If it’s an accident, they swear off that mode of transportation. While these quick decisions may give temporary relief, they rob us of the lessons hidden in the pain. Let’s call it what it is—wasting the pain. Pain is already bad enough, why let it waste?
Reflection, no matter how difficult it may feel, allows us to honestly examine the layers of what caused our pain. This process is not something that happens overnight; it can take days, weeks, or even months. However, it ultimately helps us understand what went wrong and what we can do differently in the future.
Take heartbreak, for example. Experiencing heartbreak doesn’t mean that love itself is bad. It might simply mean that you chose the wrong partner, or perhaps you didn’t behave well in the relationship. It could also be a matter of bad timing, or even a combination of these factors. Without honest reflection, though, you risk repeating the same mistakes and continually finding yourself in similar pain.
Consider a business owner whose employee has stolen goods worth millions. The pain they feel is very real; they might be heartbroken and tempted to avoid hiring staff altogether. However, that would be the easy way out. Reflection will reveal some real lessons which might be a lack of checks and balances. Maybe you trusted too much, or maybe your systems weren’t tight enough. The pain is a call to tighten up, not give up. Some of the best workplace systems today, like security cameras, audits, and background checks, came from the pain businesses experienced.
The same applies to friendships. Some people have been betrayed by friends and decide to cut off all friendships, thinking, “No more friends.” However, the issue isn’t with friendship itself—there are plenty of examples of loyal and genuine friends out there. Perhaps you didn’t choose your friends wisely, overlooked certain red flags, or maybe you weren’t the best friend yourself. Taking time for reflection can help you understand what went wrong and how to improve in the future.
Sometimes, even after deep reflection, you’ll realise that you did everything right and just encountered a bad apple. That’s life. But you wouldn’t recognise this without taking the time to reflect.
Indeed, Ray Dalio is right; pain plus reflection equals progress. Pain invites us to reflect honestly, rather than jumping to quick conclusions. As we move through 2025, let’s embrace our pain, reflect on it, and use it as a stepping stone for growth. Don’t let your pain go to waste.
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Feature Image by Mikhail Nilov for Pexels
