It’s almost here; that month when you will start hearing the popular lyric, “Valentine is coming. Where is your girlfriend/boyfriend?” Well, as a single person like you, I won’t have an answer to that. That lyric doesn’t just annoy me because it’s unnecessary; it’s because it reminds me of my singleness, loud and clear. I hate February too, not only because it’s 4 feet short in height, but because it reminds me of the unfairness of how my status of singleness is always plastered on my face.
Anyway, na single I single, I no kill person. Ahead of February 14, when lovebirds will share gifts and roses, wear matching outfits, go on fun-filled dates, watch romcoms in a cosy living room with red light in the background and flood social media with carefully curated photos of their affection, I thought it would be nice for us singles to not let them have the whole day. We should be able to do something for ourselves too. Or, what do you think? Because * (reaches for handkerchief) * we also deserve love and gifts and wear fine fine clothes on February 14. But since the universe has said, “It’s 2025 and you’re still single,” we might as well curate a list of things we can also do on Valentine’s Day.
So, if you’re single, come with me. I have some things we can also do on Valentine’s Day. These things are not sarcastic; it just depends on how you see them.
Become an Instagram Critic
See, that day, we all know they will pepper us with fine photos and videos. You should be ready for them and become an Instagram critic. How? Scroll through Instagram and “aww” at couples’ posts while secretly judging them. Check the sizes of their outfits. Spot the tiniest errors in the makeup on their faces. Bonus point? Spotting the tackiest Valentine’s Day photo caption. Like, it’s Valentine, they need to do better with captions, right? You can spend the entire day scrolling and criticising.
Be Gift Inspector Extraordinaire
They will share gifts, no? They will want to show their love and affection for their partners and get them the reddest flowers, the perfumes and whatever they get each other. That day, analyse every gift post with an air of superiority. Like, “An iPhone 16? That’s all he could manage to buy you? Where’s the Vision Pro? Or Bentley?” or “A wristwatch box? Must be nice to have such creative gift ideas. Who uses watches these days? Am I checking my destiny or what?” You know, be active at this.
Become a Writer of Romantic Failures
Believe me, every Valentine’s post is an opportunity to imagine the drama behind the scenes. Imagine this: “Oh, look at her holding that giant teddy bear! Wonder how long it’ll take before she throws it at him during their next fight.” If you’ve been looking for a chance to be a proper love hater, you could fictionalise it.
Turn Into a Love Adviser
Send unsolicited “relationship advice” to every couple you know. “Wow, you two are adorable! Have you considered a joint bank account yet? It’s the real test of love, trust me.” “If you guys ever decide to have kids, 12 is enough for a start. You guys are geniuses, it would be nice to have many multiple versions of you.” Send them ideas.
Celebrate ‘Singles Appreciation Day’ on Valentine’s
Always remind yourself that na single you single, you no kill person. And what perfect day is there to appreciate the love you have for yourself than Valentine’s day? Please please, flood your socials with stories and selfies. Use captions like: “Self-love is the best and real love.” Make sure your captions are well curated. You can add: “At least I don’t have to fake-smile over a mediocre bouquet of roses.”
Become a Netflix Padi
Look, if you don’t have the energy to do all of the above, just be in your bed and make Netflix your padi. Remember all those movies you’ve added to your list? That day is the best day to watch them. Pick a rom-com, roll your eyes at the unrealistic love stories and pretend Valentine’s Day doesn’t exist. Add a stash of snacks, wear your comfiest dress, and let the glow of your screen be the only thing lighting up your night. Who needs Cupid when you have Netflix’s autoplay?
Good luck to all the single pringles out there; not me though.
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Feature Image by Michelle Leman for Pexels
